Saturday, August 16, 2008

Country's largest companies fight it out in court

The first hearing of the land dispute between Mr. Allah and Mr. Shiv saw some heavy theatrics in court today.

The dispute involves 100 acres of land in Kashmir over which the two Gods are fighting.

Shiv claims that the land “belongs to him since millennia” and is of absolute importance to him and his company. “The land”, he says “will be used by my customers.”

Allah on the other hand claims that all this is all a farce, “an eyewash”. “It’s a conspiracy,” thundered Allah in the pre-hearing press conference. “It’s a conspiracy against me and my employees.”

As is well known, Allah is the sole owner, CEO and General Manager of Islam Inc. – the second largest company in the world.

Shiv is one of the three directors of The Hinduism Corp., the largest company in India having more than 81% of the market share in the country.

The day started of with a bang with the Judge, Judge Lucifer objecting to Shiv’s attire. “Leopard skins will not do in my court,” said the Judge.

There was speculation that even Allah was not sticking to the dress code but due to the company rules of Islam no mere mortal could lay eyes upon him. People did try to contact Heidi Klum to verify, since she is a goddess and no mere mortal, but those efforts could not succeed.

The case commenced with Shiv’s legal counsel, Rahim Lone pointing out that The Hinduism Corp. had moral rights to that land. “We have company records dating back thousands of years to prove it,” said Mr. Lone. “Thus Hinduism’s customers have every right to those 100 acres of land to avail the services of the Company.”

Rishab Kak, Allah’s lawyer for the case, then rose to put forward his case. He pointed out that it was an employee of Islam that had discovered the ice lingam, because of which there is a pilgrimage at all, hence rights over the land should remain with Islam Inc.

Allah’s counsel also lodged a formal antitrust complaint with the court against what they claim are “anti-competetive measures adopted against Islam Inc. by blocking of trade routes”

This complaint would be heard on the date of the next hearing.